gossip girls of hurtwood house

~ Ro

Ever since I watched the pilot of Gossip Girl during quarantine in my little bedroom in California and binged the first three seasons in less than a month, I’ve fancied myself something of a gossip girl, always interested in creating an instagram called ‘[insert school name here]gossipgirl’. But, obviously, I’ve never actually done this. Regardless of how mean of an idea it is, I also have always been afraid that I’d get found out, but for some reason sharing gossip on a blog where it’s very clear who I am feels safer. Here are three stories, I hope you enjoy.

But, in the interest of not hurting anyone and keeping things light-hearted, I’ll keep the real names out, and leave it all up to your imagination – if you know who these people are, pretend you don’t.

THE MISSING STICKS
At the very beginning of the year, a boy (we’ll call him Allan), threw a party, as one does. The party was awful – his garden was huge, filled with nooks and crannies, so everyone just split off into their little groups, essentially meaning that this party was not used to socialise or to make new friends, but just to talk with the ones you already have, and an excuse for a few people to hook up with the people they’d already been talking to. What was funny about this party was that a day or two later, we all got a text from Allan and his mom, saying that during the party, someone had taken Allan’s grandfather’s antique and ornate walking sticks from the war (apparently). They were decorated and precious, yet for some reason left out in one of Allan’s family rooms. To this day, I still don’t know who took them, but everyone says that whoever took them ditched them about a block later.

UN MENAGE A TROIS
At yet another party, although this one was quite a bit smaller, Luna, Layla, and Bailey found themselves in a compromising position.
It was a little get together, probably about ten people (and about ten litres of Glen’s vodka). Sometime into the night, though no one knows how, Luna, Layla, and Bailey started a twelve year old boy’s wet dream – a lesbian three-way. For a bit of backstory, Luna was lesbian (although now is bisexual), Layla had a boyfriend outside of school, and Bailey had a boyfriend in school. So really, Luna was the only one who should have been participating. The next day, Bailey was spotted crying in school, her boyfriend, James, had dumped her. A couple days later, I saw Layla complaining about how everyone needs to keep their noses out of other people’s “sexual experiences”. Luna seemed unaffected.
Flash forward a few months, and everyone forgot. Bailey and James are back together, Layla hasn’t missed out on pulling any men, and Luna is talking to a boy, Ryan. So I guess no one really cares! At least our school is inclusive!

WHO STOLE STU’S ICE CREAM
Five days ago, we got a text on our house group chat from our housemaster, Danny. It ran “If you are caught in the store room you will be in big trouble. Someone has eaten the ice creams that Stu bought for his family. They have been taken from the freezer and it wasn’t me!!!’. The house gossip flew, everyone wanted to know who had been so dastardly as to take the ice cream. As we all know from his text that it wasn’t Danny, we all started to speculate on who it might’ve been.
Four days ago, I was talking to Josh, and he said he knew who it was. While he wouldn’t tell me, he imitated a girl saying “no it’s fine, I can take the ice creams”, and because he’s in the year above, we can only assume it was one of the girls in his year – he wouldn’t bother to protect the name of the girls in our year. While we still don’t know who it was, I have a pretty strong suspicion it was this one girl in the year above, but I can’t even give you the first initial of her name, because she’ll hunt me down.